Remembering the Era of Novelty Grime Riddims
Nathan Evans' UK garage and club music column covers the latest songs, remixes, bootlegs, mixes and albums that capture his attention. This edition explores the era of novelty grime riddims and why novelty is still a part of UK dance music.
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Remembering the Era of Novelty Grime Riddims
Right now, one of most garage producers’ favourite tricks to pull out of their sleeve is to drop a novelty bootleg meant to elicit laughs from the club, but this is nothing new. When garage was morphing into grime, it switched from a producer-led genre to an MC-led one. While a lot of the MCing was documented with DVDs such as Risky Roadz and Lord of the Mics, its beats were less so. We don’t even know who sang the vocals on ‘Rhythm & Gash’, a beat so iconic it still sends crowds in frenzy today. But one burrow of the internet which traces back to the infant years of YouTube has been largely preserved, allowing people to explore a short time when producers and grime fans would upload short instrumentals that brought a silliness to a genre with a reputation for being melodically dark.
The very concise era of novelty grime riddims takes place largely in 2005 and can extend to 2009, and are essentially grime instrumentals, or riddims, that sample theme tunes from mainstream TV shows, kids cartoons and internet jingles for comedic effect. Since grime was still only in the UK, the riddims only played with tunes that were funny to Brits, be it hospital dramas such as Casualty (this theme has its own history in garage), the theme to East London soap opera Eastenders and so, so many uploads of Shrek theme remixes.
The beatmakers behind these beats or anything about their origins is unknown in many cases, as they were passed down through second-hand YouTube uploads with next to no information on them. However, in sweeping terms, these riddims were made by certain grime producers and YouTube amateur producers, likely inspired by the more established grime producers’ goofs.
By established, there is little understatement. Flukes, best known as one half of UK funky duo Crazy Cousinz, was perhaps one of the first to make novelty riddims on top of eternal instruments such as ‘Wifey Riddim’ and ‘I Have Nothing’. Stimpy and Scruface are more known for their ‘Nutty Violins’ instrumental and Scruface’s solo MC career as Scrufizzer, but were also into dabbling in this lane. The aesthetic of early YouTube goes hand in hand with this time, as it was the only source of posting and archiving music online that still exists today. Many of these riddims were uploaded by amateur producers and fans, so each video comes with the sort of scuzzy digital compression you’d expect from a YouTube video in 2007 and has the Windows Movie Maker template text crawling along with endearingly ugly fonts and colour schemes.
Don’t expect to be floored by crisp and dazzling production. Because no producer in their right mind would spend much time on these one-shot jokes, the sound is informed heavily by stock FL studio loops of the time. Gunshots are fired with frolicking abandon to not only signify grime’s aesthetic at the time but also because the juxtaposition is funny. All in all, the production is listless and quite shoddy, but if you’re judging a joke song based on that, you’re looking at it the wrong way.
It’s hard to know if these riddims were used in a live capacity, but it’s more likely used for a different, of-the-time purpose. For a certain generation of British schoolkids and young adults who passed around grime music through bluetooth, these riddims were passed around like memes in the school playground. Comments all over these videos talk about that nostalgia, even using the best ones as ringtones, mirroring America’s obsession with ringtone rap at the time.
We may lay criticism to speed garage bootlegs today for cheapening the form, but novelty grime riddims prove that it’s always been a part of UK dance music since the internet came into our homes and onto our phones. At the heart of it all is a distinctly British sense of humour, of juxtaposing the most piss-take joke in a serious club environment.
Below is a selection of the best novelty grime riddims you can find on YouTube. Hopefully they’re still around when you’re reading this.
Pingu Riddim
Not to be confused with Wiley’s ‘Pingu’, this is the most rudimentary riddim of the selection. It’s a straight chop that takes the theme to the kid’s show about a claymation penguin, cuts it to just the first two notes and double-times it. This track was freestyled over by Victory Lap’s freestyle assassin Kibo, who rapped over this aged 16 alongside Chuk Dippah (the pair also did the same on Looney Tunes Riddim).
Dayne Productionz - Rugrats Riddim
Dayne Productionz wouldn't have a more noteworthy beat than this one in which they turned the silly jingle to this 90s Nickelodeon cartoon into a clap-happy Eskibeat romp. When the bassline comes in just a few bars later, it’s like a friend looking at you with a barely-hidden smile waiting to hit their face. Spin this one whether you want to shutdown the creche or start the kids early on grime.
Noddy Riddim
Noddy is a toddler’s show that plays up the stereotype of rural Britain as Postman Pat and the Trumptonshire trilogy, so hearing gunshots over the Noddy theme in this riddim is farcically funny. It sounds like he’s spinning the block in his little red and yellow brum-brum.
Windows XP Riddim
Away from the kid’s shows, another part of novelty grime riddims is the few remixes of internet jingles. One is a dembow version of the MSN message sound, and another is this Windows XP riddim, a nostalgic computer operating system that was much more recent in 2007, but even today, people recognise its system sounds.
It takes the ending of the OS’s startup theme and fuses the error message sound into a hopping piano flair in a clever way. Minor-key strings are often a signifier of menace in grime, but hearing Windows XP’s bright strings chopped-up is an odd but welcome mood. Plus, the ending is a nice touch, but you can probably guess what it is.
Fire - Shrek Riddim
The amount of variations of the Shrek theme shows how much the internet loved the animated ogre even back in 2009. This is not the Flukez version, which was a mere boom-bap version, but the version made by Fire from Bristol duo 10:two:7. For this list, it seems right to place the riddim that turns its Princess Fiona-sung topline into a piercing whistle. The horror sample from The Blair Witch Project feels like it adds to the lore of Shrek, like an uncensored version of people’s reaction to seeing Shrek and Fiona in Far Far Away.
Weakest Link Riddim
The Weakest Link was a dinner-time quiz show in the UK, but its appeal came from watching its presenter - the draconic Anne Robinson - tear into contestants for being stupid. This riddim turns the theme into paranoid grime strings, and as it so elegantly promises in the video title, the bass is as devastating as one of her smug putdowns. Although, the comment that says the claps are annoying isn’t wrong.
Iron Soul - Heavens Reject Beat
Made by Iron Soul, a.k.a. Kromestar, this flip of ‘O Fortuna’, a medieval dramatic song that was used in Excalibur (1981), isn’t initially all that funny. Its novelty only makes sense if you watched primetime Saturday night television on ITV in the 2000s, which was when music mogul and grade-A wanker Simon Cowell was always on the TV with The X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent. Between these two shows, the man used this song to the point where any other association was wiped from British people’s heads, and the riddim here blows the listener with sonic booms on every four-count.
Stimpy and Scruface - Thomas the Tank Engine Riddim
Thomas the Tank Engine ruled the roost in the micro-genre of ‘children’s shows that anthropomorphised objects by slapping faces on them’ as far as I’m concerned. Stimpy and Scruface run the titular train through a logging saw, dicing it with triplet claps. One detail of note is the way the second loop just catches the start of the steam sound and promptly deploys it like a glitch at the end of the bar.
X-Men Riddim
While Stimpy and Scruface also made a riddim on the 80s X-Men cartoon theme, this one is the definitive version. Whoever made this may have taken three attempts, but the final result is an awesome beat that works in the superhero horns incredibly well, punctuated by jabs of Eskimo-style bass wipes. This one even made it onto national TV by way of Britain’s Got Talent street dance troupe Diversity.
Super Mario Riddim
Super Mario Riddim is one of the more creative beats for its sheer volume of ideas. This one doesn’t flip the World 1-1 theme as you may expect, but there is a litany of recognisable sounds in the Mario universe, and they took that like a kid who found a tenner laying on the floor outside Toys R Us. With a single droning bass giving it a dark platform, ‘Super Mario Riddim’ stomps like a Mario Megatron made of fire flowers, warp pipes, stars and goombas.
Young Guns Crew - Countdown (Lewi White and Jammer Remix)
A remix, yes, but I say it embodies the same spirit. Ignoring the hilarious thumbnail which is not a photoshop, this riddim was a remix by producers Lewi White and Jammer, the latter of whom is still kicking about with Skepta in tech house duo Más Tiempo right now.
Countdown is a game show for smartarses where contestants are given nine letters to make the longest words possible, or a much funner game in the house, the rudest word possible. Its 30-second tune seems scientifically designed to make you clutch your armchair a little, and the riddim nicks that for the build. It then throws in a circus of electronics, complete with an Eskibeat bounce, one synth doing a three-point turn while a bass synth is as direct as a spear. There is also a vocal mix with Skepta, JME, Tinchy Stryder, Ears, Flamin, FudaGuy, JP, Knuckles, Kraze and Jammer himself.
ITV News Riddim
The 10 o’clock news on ITN (a TV channel now called ITV) has a theme and headline music that incorporates Big Ben’s big bong. This riddim makes that bong feel like getting hit by a truck, with the low-end vacuuming up the atmosphere just before it hits for maximum impact every time. If this was how Big Ben struck every night at 10, London would be more like the post-apocalyptic world of Fallout.
Bianca Oblivion & Obhell feat. Logan_olm - Badda (Sinais VIP)
INVT & Logan_olm’s ‘WE INSIDE (CULEBRA VIP)’ has not escaped my brain since it dropped in late May. Logan_olm’s deep husk, with a sinistrous whisper to it, has followed me around all summer, autumn and winter. Now, the North-West London rapper has a VIP remix of Bianca Oblivion and Onhell’s ‘Sinais’ titled ‘Badda’ for Mexican label N.A.A.F.I.
The original track brought caustic grime synths and a creeping, zig-zagging rhythm pattern to baile funk percussion in a cohesive way, and Logan brings a more exposed performance compared to the cloak-and-daggery of INVT’s track. His rhyme pattern at the very beginning side-steps quickly like a bishop on a chessboard before the electronics take control of him. You can see the same crook in his smile as you could on ‘WE INSIDE’, especially in the slow chorus where he over-articulates “none of dem bad”.
Peaky Beats & Stones Taro - PBR008
‘Leeds 2 Kyoto’ introduces the PBR008 EP with twitchy synth organs and a sound effect ripped from The Future Sound of London that you could imagine as the exhaust revving on an alien spaceship. Its title also nods to the collaboration between Leeds producer Peaky Beats and Kyoto’s Stones Taro, another buoyant collision of the Japanese garage scene and UK scene that has been one of 2023’s biggest success stories. Beyond the opener, ‘Wind Power Ship’ shuffles around weightless chords that move into an heart-melting resolution, while deepening the acoustics of outer space and dodging the EP’s otherwise squelchy bounce. The B-side of the EP works this sound they’ve conjured into breakbeat on ‘Karate Cat’ and dubstep on ‘Demon Dubs’.
M4A4 - Vision Leaks
Dublin producer M4A4’s new EP bleeds garage rhythm into leftfield techno while having cloudy kineticism to sedate you from that subtle change. The claps on ‘Now I Feel It’ weave between on and off beat as polka-dot synths encircle them. ‘Vision Leaks’ gives the feeling of constantly being on the chase with a heavy double kick and one-two dashing wooshes, only to be accentuated by reverbed guitars that melts and turns itself inside out. Central to Vision Leaks, however, is the track that plays it straight. ‘Kiss Your Skin’ has a high-pitched vocal sample that sounds like Navi from Zelda atop a sonorous synth and dulled Reese bass isn’t far away from the releases on CloudCore.
SP:MC - It’s Over Now
‘It’s Over Now’ has been played all through the summer despite being unreleased. Its cleverness lies in how it uses hollowness and stiffness in ways that enhance the track rather than detract from it. The hollowness gives it an air of no-nonsense that puts focus on the clunky, deep house-like bass pulses. Those pulses in turn hit so on-beat initially before collapsing under the groove.
The London-based MC and producer cherishes picking apart the bones of R&B vocals, isolating devastating lines and piecing together his own story with it. Here, it follows on from his last song where SP:MC soul-searched through samples, ‘Missing You’. He addresses the same pain of heartbreak in that song on ‘It’s Over Now’ while torturously going over the events and seeing where it could have been avoided. “Can’t deny, I let you hurt me”, the sample croons.
Mix of the Month: NTS Guide to... Nice 'N' Ripe
NTS held a special two hour show dedicated to showing the best of Nice ‘N’ Ripe records, which, in their words, is “probably the most influential 90s Garage label of all time”, and any head would be inclined to agree. The home of Jeremy Sylvester and Grant Nelson, listening to this mix, you can hear where their style has ended up in so many far reaches of garage music.
You can hear it in the jazzy chords of Thunderkats and the +98 label, MJ Cole’s organs, Peaky Beats and Perception’s soul sampling, the organ minimalism in PJ Statham and Harris’ recent bootlegs, Eliza Rose’s throwback sound and eccentric vocals (she was made to sing Rhythm Construction Co’s ‘Mighty Love’) and maybe even certain sectors of French house (listen to Dangerous Liaison’s ‘Smoove’ and tell me there’s not a hint of what French house would come to be a few years down the line).
When Interplanetary Criminal reached out to garage producers for his recent Locked On compilation and briefed them to make, “the most authentic UK Garage record that you could”, it’s telling that Introspekt, Ollie Rant and DJ Cosworth all made tracks that could have fit into Nice ‘N’ Ripe’s catalogue. Like nuts in most food products apparently, you can find a trace of Nice N Ripe in such a wide circle of garage music that it’s probably easier to find the pockets where the label’s impact isn’t felt.
T. Williams - Heartbeat (DJ Q Remix)
T. Williams’ ‘Heartbeat’ is a UK funky classic from 2010, instantly recognisable (or if you haven’t heard it yet, unforgettable) for its birdcall-like topline from Terri Walker that echoes into your chest in a way that almost sounds like Aaliyah.
13 years on from its release, DJ Q has delivered a brand new remix for Local Action, slicing across the original’s atmosphere with woozy chords. Q rearranges pieces of the vocals into a sliding puzzle and works in a squatting and bounding bassline organ as well as a Nokia ringtone embellishment to cast the mind back to when Nokias were beginning to disappear. This is the type of remix that doesn’t date the original but doesn’t lose itself in the shadow of it either.
Overmono - Hackney Parrot R.I.P. @ Boiler Room, Manchester
During their live set at Boiler Room’s Warehouse Project night in Manchester, Overmono turned their track as Tessela ‘Hackney Parrot’ into a UK bass steamer with a new unreleased remix. It builds to the breakdown with trancey synths that sound pulled from ‘Castles In the Sky’ by Ian Van Dahl, before flipping into chugging dubstep wubs and snares that sound like a drumstick slapped onto a table.
More than the novelty of a new remix, this moment in the set illustrates how ‘Hackney Parrot’ has become an iconic vocal in UK dance music, on the level of ‘RIP Groove’ and ‘Rhythm & Gash’. The amount of edits and spins it’s received has cemented that status, and that they took it to Warehouse Project with a new lick of paint is a fitting nod to that.
Prozak - Stargazer
I’m not a fan of Star Wars, but the way Prozak cheekily sneaks in R2D2’s scrambling sounds into ‘Stargazer’ is enough to transport me to Tatooine. The closing track on the first EP of the Dublin producer’s new label BLUEPRESS, ‘Stargazer’ is a featherweight entrancer with synths that move like vapour trails, rolling over small mounds of bass. It’s as though he sampled the naturistic atmospheres of ambient artist Biosphere. Coupled this with the R2D2’s electronics, and it’s a track that has you longing to lounge out in the middle of a desert with two suns.
Floppy Disk - Don't You
Brighton/London producer Floppy Disk tends to a golden vocal sample with kitchen-pillaging garage house percussion that rattles like cutlery and wood. Sour, frothy synths propel the vocals further and start to freak out in the post-breakdown like the Disclosure’s productions often do.
Speed Garage Bootleg of the Month: Rotten Independent Ravers - Thank Ya
A freebie on Nottingham label Yes Mate Wot U Sayin?, ‘Thank Ya’ loops a disco vocal climb to drag out and keep a filtered lid on its feeling of elation like DJ Falcon. The track is split between a speed garage breakdown and bassline switch-up that once upon a time, would have been two separate mixes on an EP. The second breakdown chucks the sample around like a ride on a NOS-loaded street racer, with a stuttering bassline that belches and zaps.